


Journal of a Mister Cool

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-02
Updated: 2008-05-15
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: "Reg says diaries are for girls, but he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. First of all, girls can’t write, everybody knows that (except Regulus, but what does he know?), and second, this isn’t a diary. It’s a journal. That’s something totally different. A journal of my super-cool life." Sirius Black, August 18th 1971, Grimmauld Place 12...





	1. August 18th

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

A/N: Hey, I had to re-upload this story because I had made some changes in it. Mostly grammar, since I have a beta now. Thank you Megan! 

____________________________________________________________________________

August 18th, 1971

Reg says diaries are for girls, but he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. First of all, girls can’t write, everybody knows that (except Regulus, but what _does_ he know?), and second, this isn’t a _diary._ It’s a _journal_. That’s something totally different. A journal of my super-cool life.

Well, it’s not actually super-cool _yet_ , but it’s going to be. When I go to Hogwarts.

Only two more weeks! Yippee!

No, wait. Cool boys don’t say yippee. They say… Yeuh. Yeuh! I’m going to be _cool_. The coolest boy in school. No more Yippee-ing. Yeuh!

Anyway, within two weeks I will be at Hogwarts! No more shrieking from Mum! No more stupid Reg, pretending to be a Death Eater (“Fear me, idiots! I, Regulus Black am going to blow up your houses!”), no more moaning from Dad about blood purity, no more Kreacher! And especially, no more stupid cousins!

            Oh wait, Andy and Cissa are still at Hogwarts, and probably also a lot of second (and third) cousins I don’t even know! Noooooo!!!!! Well, Andy is all right, but I don’t want to be stuck with Narcisssa for EVERY BLOODY DAY! I hope I won’t be in Slytherin, or I’ll have to sit at her table every day.

But… Bella isn’t at Hogwarts anymore! Yippee! I mean, yeuh!

Bellatrix is crazy. Even crazier than Mum. Yesterday she came over for dinner and instead of just _eating_ her meat, she chopped it into a thousand pieces first. Really freaky. _And_ she is in love with Voldemort. No kidding, I swear! She talks about him all the time, about how powerful he is, and what fantastic things he does (like killing muggles, is he allowed to do that, by the way? I’ve never heard anyone say he’s not).

Yesterday she was doing it again (“The Dark Lord…blabla….the Dark Lord said….blablabla…”) and I sang: “Bella and Voldemort, sitting in a tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G.”

I know. Childish. But for now I’m still allowed to do it, at Hogwarts I will have to be Mister Cool.

A couple of things happened:

1) Regulus fell off his chair because I had said Voldemort’s name out loud.

2) Bella glared at me furiously and hexed me (I still can’t open my mouth, if I try, my lips start to rip).

3) Mum started to screech. Not at Bella, for hexing her beloved (huge fake cough) son, but at me, for insulting Bellatrix and saying “Voldemort” out loud.

4) Dad sent me to my room because he was “heartily sick of my stupid trap”.

I have such a loving family. I’m really going to miss them.

**August 19th,  1971**

Aah! The starvation! I’m famished. I’m still not able to eat, thanks to Bella’s hex. Stupid Bella. If I die of hunger, it’s her fault.

If I can’t eat now, I will _actually_ die of hunger. Bah.

**What to do before going to Hogwarts**

1) EAT!!!!

2) Buy school supplies. Must ask Mum. Hope I can go alone.

3) Find list with school supplies. Must Ask Kreacher.

4) Become cool.

5) Remind Dad to bring me to the station.

6) When I have my books, find a hex to take revenge on Bella.

 

There is just one tiny little problem. How can I do all these things WHEN I CAN’T OPEN MY MOUTH??!! Bugger. Bloody Bella. I hope I’ll find a terrible hex.

_Days until Hogwarts: 13_

**August 20th 1971**

Hurray! Finally! I can open my mouth again. I’m going to do the things on my list right NOW.

**What to do before going to Hogwarts**

1) EAT!!!! _Check. Ate everything edible, including half a pouch of dog food (Why do we have dog food? We don’t have a dog!), which tasted actually really good_

2) Buy school supplies. Must ask Mum. _Asked Mum._ _Went allright:_

_“Mum?” I asked carefully. You always have to be careful with Mum, or else she can go mad and throw things at your head._

_Mum put_ Pureblood Magazine _down and snarled: “Yes?”_

_“Er, I need to buy my school supplies and…”_

_“Yes, yes, I know,” she said irritated. “Andromeda is taking you to Diagon Alley tomorrow.”_

_“Andy?” I asked, surprised. “But-”_

_“Did you think I’d let you buy your stuff alone? You don’t have any taste at all when it comes down to clothes. I’m not going to let you disgrace the name of Black by wearing some ridiculous robes. Here’s your money.” Yeuh! Going  to Diagon Alley with Andy is even better than going alone!_

3) Find list with school supplies. Must Ask Kreacher. _Kreacher was in Regulus’s room, snickering with Reg about something (Probably me, they always talk about me behind my back). I stormed into the room and they immediately stopped laughing. “I don’t want you to come in my room, Sirius,” Regulus said angrily. “Can’t you read?” He pointed at the sign on the door, which  is supposed to freak people out, even though it doesn’t. I ignored him. “Kreacher, what have you done to my list of things I need for Hogwarts?”_

_Kreacher tried to look innocent, but he is not very good at innocent glances. So I said: “Don’t lie to me Kreacher. I know you have it. Where is it?”_

_A really nasty smile appeared on his face and he said: “Kreacher doesn’t have the list, master Sirius. Kreacher would never lie to you.” Yeah, right. He would if  he found a way. But I told him not to lie, so he had to speak the truth. Stil,l I didn’t trust it. He looked too pleased with himself, just like Regulus._

_Then I had a Smart-Sirius moment. He must have given it to Reg. And I happen to know where Reg hides stuff: Under his mattress. So I quickly lifted his mattress, and there it was. I grabbed it and walked away, sticking my tongue out at Regulus and Kreacher. Ha._

4) Become cool.

**Plan Cool**

How to become a Mister Cool

**1.** **No more childish words. Replace by cool words. For example:**

**Yippee  →  Yeuh.**

**Stupid   →  Bloody (or other swear word).**

**Hello     →  Wotcher, no, no, wrong, something like “hey”.**

**_2._ ** **Cool pose. Laidback, hands in pocket. _Casual._**

**_3._ ** **Bored face expression. Bored = cool.**

**_4._ ** **Practice to raise eyebrows separately.**

**_5._ ** **Make people believe writing a diary – journal – is super-cool.**

**_6._ ** **Buy cool robes. Must ask Andy for help.**

5) Remind Dad to bring me to the station. _Asked him. He merely shrugged and said: “I’ll see if I have time.” And what if he DOESN’T have time? Huh, huh? How am I supposed to GET there?_

_6)_ When I have my books, find a hex to take revenge on Bella. _I still have to do that._

Days until Hogwarts:  12

**August  21st,  1971**

Andy picked me up at half past nine. “Snuffles!” she called when I opened the door and she gave me a big fat kiss on the cheek. Ugh.

Andy always calls me Snuffles. I used to snuffle at everybody when I was a baby, rumour has it. Andromeda says I was just like a puppy.

I really like Andy, but I wish she didn’t find me so cute. After all, I’m almost twelve (3 more days!!!), and I’m _cool_ now.

As we walked out of the street, I asked how we were going to Diagon Alley.

“Apparating,” she said. “I have my licence now, and I can take you with me. But before we’re going there, we’ll first go somewhere else.”

“Where?” I asked.

“Er, picking someone up.”

“Who?” She stopped walking. I noticed she flushed a little bit.

“Listen, Sirius, before I say who, I want you to promise that you won’t talk about this with your parents. Or any other family member. You know what, just don’t tell anyone.”

“Er, okay,” I said. “I promise.”

“Good.” She smiled. “We’re going to pick up my boyfriend. He will go shopping with us. I hope you don’t mind.”

Whaaaa!!! Andy has a boyfriend! Hahahaha! I would have loved to sing “Andy has a boyfriend, Andy has a boyfriend” with a very annoying little voice, but that doesn’t really follow Plan Cool, so I just shrugged and said: “No, it’s fine, as long as you two don’t snog in my presence. Why aren’t the others allowed to know, by the way?”

“Because… because he is a Muggle-born.”

“Oh, right,” I said intelligently. “That explains it. Are we going now?”

We walked into a little alleyway and Andromeda told me to hold her arm very tightly. Then I had this really weird feeling, as if I was being forced into a matchbox. Then it stopped. We were in a little Muggle village, and Andy walked towards a brick stone house and rang the bell. A blond bloke, around Andromeda’s age, opened the door and smiled. “Hello, Andy,” he said, and he kissed her.

Ugh! I had told her not to! _Why_ had I agreed to this?

Then he looked at me. “Hello, there,” he said. “Who are you?”

“This is my cousin Sirius,” Andy said. “Sirius, this is Ted.” We shook hands. “Are you coming to Hogwarts this year?” he asked. I nodded. Then we apparated to Diagon Alley. 

It was the first time I ever met a Muggle-born. He didn’t even look _that_ evil.

We spent almost the entire day shopping. At Quality Quidditch Supplies, Ted and I agreed with each other that the Nimbus 1001 is the most brilliant broom in the world. We bought books, a cauldron, a wand, school robes (Ted and Andy helped picking out really cool ones), and loads of other stuff. Luckily, we didn’t go to Knockturn Alley, where we usually go when I go with Mum and/or Dad. I hate it there. I don’t like dark magic.

And the best thing is, Andy bought me an owl! A beautiful black one (of course), I called it Ted, and Ted and Andy found that very funny. She said she gave it to me because her mother forgot to buy me a birthday present last year and that is was an early birthday present for this year. I told her she was _by far_  my favourite cousin.

“Well, that’s not very difficult,” Ted said. “When you look at your other cousins.” Andy slapped him. “Don’t you insult my sisters, Ted Tonks!” But she laughed as she said it, so I don’t think she really minded.

I looked for something to hex Bella, but there aren’t any hexes in my school books. I could use that _Wingardium Leviosa_ charm though. That’d be fun.

I have also been practising the eyebrow-thing.  Maybe I shouldn’t have done it during dinner, because I was sent to my room again, and now I am really hungry, again.

_Days until Hogwarts: 11_

It’s coming closer… Huzzah!

**August 25th 1971**

Yesterday was my Birthday. It was boring except for the presents. I’ll write a few of them down:

\- A really cool penknife Uncle Alphard gave me. He says you can open any lock you want with it. Sounds cool. I could use it on that chest in the attic.

\- Er… a thing from Aunt Lucretia and Uncle Ignatius. I don’t know what it is, but it looks peculiar.

\- A beautiful set of silver gobstones from Mum and Dad.

\- A flying carpet! It’s _so_ cool. I should really appreciate Narcissa more. She gives me cool presents.

\- A set of poisonous candles from Grandfather Pollux and Grandmother Irma. I don’t know _what_ they want me to do with them, but I can’t think of anything healthy.

\- A deck of self-shuffling playing cards with Black family members on them from Grandfather Arcturus and Grandmother Melania. I drew a moustache on the picture of Bellatrix (Queen of Spades). She started screaming. It was dead funny.

\- A chess set from Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella. The white pieces are wizards and the black ones are muggles. I’m not sure if I like it yet.

\- A thing that looked like a spider, from Bella. As soon I unwrapped it, it tried to puncture my arm. I hit it with:

\- An enormous book, called: “Me and the Dark Arts”. I can’t remember who gave it to me.

\- A Lunascope from Mum and Dad. It’s kind of cool, but I don’t really know what to do with it. okay, so I’ll know when the moon is full. Great.

\- Andy gave me two little mirrors. She said they are two-way mirrors and that you can use them to talk to the other person who has one of them. Handy.

\- A poster of the Wigtown Wanderers from a friend of Dad’s.

\- A smelly package from Kreacher that I didn’t open. I’m not that stupid.

I wondered why they didn’t send me a letter from Hogwarts last year, since I was eleven then already. Dad said it’s because you have to become eleven before the 20th of August, or else they think you’re too young.

WHY wasn’t I born four days earlier??!! I could have gone to Hogwarts last year!!!

I think I’m going to fly on my carpet now.

_Days until Hogwarts: 7_

 

**August 30th, 1971**

I haven’t written anything for five days, sorry diary journal. I have just such a demanding social life. So much to do, not. The truth is, I haven’t written anything because there hasn’t been anything interesting (Except for that time when I set Kreacher’s  loincloth on fire, that was hilarious). I have spent most of the time reading. Not because I love books so much, but because there just isn’t much else to do here. I have read all my schoolbooks by now (Which I’m not going to let anyone know at school, because something like that belongs more to Plan Geek than to Plan Cool). I have also played with/thrown away all my birthday presents (I threw away all the freaky stuff, which was the major part) and now I have nothing to do again. I’m so not going to read Mum and Dad’s books because they are either boring or evil.

Maybe Reg wants to play Quidditch in the garden.

Reg wanted to play Quidditch, but only if we were both seekers. But that’s boring, floating around all the time, looking for that stupid little ball. Chasing is so much more fun. Or beating, but that doesn’t really have a point when there’s just the two of us.

Eventually, I won  the fight (Of course. Who’s the oldest here, huh?) and we were both Keeper in turn, but then Reg quit because he had enough of it. Git.

_Days until Hogwarts: 2. Yes!_ _I hope those lumps will be gone by then (One word: chest in the attic)._

_Okay, technically that’s four words, but who cares._

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A/N: Please review. I would love to know what you think.

I'm hoping to put a new chapter online soon.


	2. September 1st

**September 1st, 7:30 am, breakfast in the Kitchen of Hell**

They're not coming with me to the station. Mum, Dad, Regulus, none of them. I mean, I didn't really expect that all three of them would come to wave me goodbye, crying like babies - and I wasn't up to that anyway – but I didn't expect them to just send me with Andromeda and Narcissa.

Not that I care or something, but still.

Today is the day! I'm finally going to Hogwarts; I'm finally going to have friends! 

I never really had friends. I was home-schooled by Mum, so I didn't have any classmates, and we're not allowed to talk to the Muggle neighbours , so I only had Reg, and he's an idiot. 

But that's all over now. I, Mister Cool, am going to get tons of friends who all adore me. Yeuh. 

I am quite certain about Plan Cool. The eyebrow thing is finally coming through (I don't look like a St. Mungo's escapee anymore when I try it), and I am _very_ good at the bored face expression (Probably because I am bored stiff in here). I am ready.

Oh, bugger, I still need to pack my trunk.

**3:10 pm, On the Hogwarts Express**

Andy and Cissy came around ten. I said goodbye to Mum, Dad, and Regulus.

"Well, Sirius," Dad said. "Good luck. Say hello to Professor Slughorn from me, your Head of House." 

_Professor Slughorn, your Head of House._ As if it is a fact that I will be sorted into Slytherin.

"Er, sure," I said. "Well, bye then."

"Bye," they said, and they went on with what they had been doing.

Andromeda, Narcissa, and I drove in Uncle Cygnus's car to the station (We could have walked it but my cousins are two sluggish slackers) and walked through the gate to platform 9 ¾ (That was _so_ cool). When we were there, Narcissa immediately ran off, and so did Andy, after I had told her I'd be fine on my own. She probably went to find Ted and snog him senselessly. Narcissa knows about Ted too, by the way, but she keeps her mouth shut because if she doesn't, Andromeda will tell everyone that Cissy isn't a real blonde. 

I looked around. Everywhere there were children with their parents. An Asian looking boy, probably a sixth year or something, was being hugged so tightly by his mother that it looked as if he was being strangled. A little boy with enormous front teeth was trying to avoid a kiss from his mother ("Don't, Mum, people are looking!" "But Peter, sweetie, I won't see you for half a year!"), and a little redhead was talking to another girl, probably her sister. 

That blond one didn't really look happy.

"Freak!" she screeched.

Well, _that's_ not a very nice thing to say. 

A bit further on, a boy with glasses and black hair that was so messy it shouldn't be allowed was talking to his parents. His mother looked sort of familiar… 

She looked up and saw me.

"Sirius!" she called. Suddenly, I knew who she was. It was great aunt Dorea! She's an aunt of Mum's, but she isn't even _that_ old. She beckoned me, and I walked towards them.

"Hello, Aunt Dorea," I said. She smiled. "Hello, dear. Are you coming to Hogwarts too this year? So is James here." The boy with the messy hair grinned at me. "Hey," he said. 

Aha, so he is a Mister Cool, too!

"Hey," I said, in a Cool-blokes-among-each-other tone.

We talked a bit for a while, and Mr. Potter/Uncle Charlie/James's dad helped us to get our trunks in the train. 

Then the whistle went and James said goodbye to his parents. "Bye, Honey, we'll see you at Christmas," Dorea said. "Bye Mum, bye Dad," James said. 

"Bye, son," Charlie said, and he hugged him.

James and I found a compartment and sat down. We talked a bit about Quidditch (James has a Nimbus 1001! He's really cheesed off with the no-brooms-for-first-years rule), and then a boy and a girl came in. The girl was the one I had seen on the station (The red one, who had been called a freak) and the boy had a huge nose and long black hair. 

As James and I were playing a game of Exploding Snap, the boy started to inform the girl about the Wizarding World and Hogwarts (She's probably a Muggle-born), until he said that she'd better be in Slytherin. 

Apparently, James didn't agree to that, because he said: "Slytherin? Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave." Then he turned to me, who had been lounging in my seat, _very_ casual _. Very_ cool. "Wouldn't you?"

_Well_ , my entire family consists of Slytherins, and they're all kind of weird. Besides, I don't want to be in the same House as my stupid cousin Narcissa, even though she gave me a cool flying carpet, but she pretends to be blond, but she really has just dark hair like the rest of the family, and Voldemort was in Slytherin too, and I think Voldemort is a duffer and so is this greasy weirdo opposite me, so no, not Slytherin, please. Hufflepuff seems okay, because Ted's in there, but I hate the colour yellow, so I'd prefer Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. You know what, let's pick Gryffindor. Lions are cool. 

Of course I didn't really say that. James would think that I am an idiot (Which I am, but he doesn't need to know that). Instead, I just shrugged and said: "My whole family has been in Slytherin." 

James was a bit shocked by that. "Blimey," he said. "And I thought you seemed all right!”

Pf, prejudice (Isn't that a cool word? I heard Andy say it when she and Cissy were talking in the car)! But he was sort of right, so I grinned and said: "Maybe I'll break the tradition." 

Let's hope so.

So then James and the weird wannabe-Slytherin started arguing about which House was the best (James wanted to be in Gryffindor, like his dad), and then the weirdo said that Gryffindors are brawny, not brainy. 

Then I made a brilliant comment.

It was so witty, so… I don't know. It was just great.

I said: "Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?"

There. Brilliant. Wicked. I should get the Order of Merlin for it, at least Second Class. 

But apparently, the girl didn't seem to think so. She sat up and said (With a ridiculously high voice, honestly, girls are so stupid): "Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment." 

_Severus_!What a stupid name! Honestly, who calls his child Severus? You're just _asking_ for it to be changed into something funny. Like… Snivellus. Hahaha, that'd be hilarious. 

James and I both laughed and imitated the girl's voice. "See ya, _Snivelus!"_ I called after them.

Ah, making friends, it's lovely.

**10:30 pm, 1st year's Boys Dormitory**

I'm not in Slytherin! I'm in Gryffindor, with James! I'll start with when we came out of the train.

"Firs' years, Firs' years over here!" called an enormous bloke with so much hair that, if someone would shave it off, one could give an entire orphanage a jumper for Christmas. 

Not that anyone would _want_ that kind of a jumper. Ugh.

Anyway. He brought us to the lake, where a couple of little boats were waiting for us. James and I climbed into a boat, next to the hairy bloke, who turned out to be called Hagrid. I like him. He told us about the Forbidden Forest and what kind of creatures live in it. James and I should really go there sometime. 

From a distance we could see Hogwarts, and it was _so_ cool. All those towers and lights. Wow. 

Then we arrived at the castle.

_This is it_ , I thought as I was walking through those huge doors. My new life. In the entrance hall, there was a strict looking woman with a black bun in her hair. I don't understand why women put their hair in a bun. Why don't they just let it down? 

She looked at me with an expression that clearly said: I don't like you.

Why? I hadn't even done anything yet! This was so unfair!

She told us about the four Houses, blablabla, that we had to follow her, blablabla. Then she told James to do something about his hair. James tried, but it didn't work even a bit. Then we entered the Great Hall. 

There is a reason it is called the Great Hall. It is indeed, er… Great. Everywhere there were floating candles (hopefully not poisoned), and the ceiling was like the sky, full of stars. I looked up and saw Sirius, my star. It always makes me happy to see it. At home, when I had a row with Reg or was sent to my room, I would climb on the roof and watch it. In July and September, during the Dog Days, it's never visible, though. It's always visible again on my birthday, maybe that's why Mum and Dad called me Sirius. 

Back to the Great Hall. There were four long tables and all the students looked at us as we were walking past them. I did a successful Mister Cool walk and saw Andy and Narcissa sitting at the Slytherin table. They waved. Andy smiled. Narcissa nudged some blond bloke, and I heard her say: "That's my little cousin. Make some room for him, okay?" 

We had to stand by the staff table, and the woman with the bun put down a little stool with a very old hat – the Sorting Hat. She rolled out a piece of parchment and called: "Abbot, Jacob!" 

A boy with light blond hair walked towards the stool as if his death sentence were waiting for him there (Wow, what a sentence! Maybe I'll be a writer!). The woman (Who is called Professor McGonagall, by the way) put the hat on his head and it called: "Hufflepuff!" Then Morgan Avery was sorted into Slytherin and Damocles Belby into Ravenclaw and then… 

"Black, Sirius!"

On the inside, I was almost dead, I was so nervous, but on the outside, I was Mister Cool. I caught some comments from students sitting at the tables: 

"Awww, what a cutie! I wouldn't mind showing the castle to _that_ one!" 

"Bertha, you child molester!"

"Where d'you reckon they'll put him?"

"Slytherin of course, didn't you hear his name?"

McGonagall gave me a really weird look as she put the hat on my head. Was it… interest? Curiosity? Something else that I don't know a word for? 

"Aha!" a little voice in my head said. "You are something different, aren't you?" 

"Sure," I murmured. "Just don't put me in Slytherin, all right?"

"Oh, no, definitely not Slytherin." I sighed with relief. "But where _do_ you belong? Mmm… let's see. You are smart, very smart indeed. And loyal, too. And what about courage? Oh, yes, tons of it, yes, yes… " I was starting to get a bit impatient. I didn't want a personality scan, I just wanted to be sorted. 

"Er, could you cut the crap and sort me, please?" I asked. My mum would kill me if she heard this. I don't understand why though, because she isn't the politest of people herself. 

"All right, all right," the Hat said, a bit irritated. Had I insulted him? Honestly, it's a _hat._ Do I have to be polite to a _hat_?

"Have it your way, then, Mister Fretful," it said.

It's Mister Cool, actually.

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

Yes! The last one of the four tables started to cheer (Well, not the table itself, but the people sitting at it, but you can understand that if you're not too dim). From the corner of my eye, I saw James sticking his thumbs up at me. McGonagall took the hat off my head, again with an odd expression on her face. What is it with that woman?

As I was walking towards the Gryffindor table I heard McGonagall call: "Bott, Belle!" but I wasn't paying attention. I saw Narcissa sitting at the Slytherin table. Her jaw was on the floor. I snickered and sat down next to a boy with red hair, who introduced himself as "Quintus Weasley, prefect." He introduced me to his brothers, Jack, Will, Philip and Marcus. He also had two other brothers, Arthur and Brian, but they had already left Hogwarts and Arthur had a wife and a baby.

In the meanwhile, Adrina Davis had been sorted into Slytherin. I had totally forgotten to pay attention. So I did now. 

"Eal, Amanda!" McGonagall called. A girl with long black hair walked towards the stool. She didn't seem to be nervous at all. 

"Ravenclaw!" the Hat called only a few seconds after it had touched her head. 

"Evans, Lily!" The girl from the train walked towards the stool. She looked indeed as if she would fit in Slytherin, because her face was just as green as the Slytherin banners. 

Even though her hair couldn't have been more red.

The Hat touched her head, screamed: "Gryffindor!" and I started cheering, together with the rest of the Gryffindors. My first Housemate! 

I made some room for her on the bench, but she didn't want to talk to me. 

Sigh. Women. 

The next Gryffindor was Emily Keane, a girl with short dark hair, who started talking to Lily as if they were best friends already. 

What if there would be only girls in my class? I didn't think I could survive that. 

"Lockhart, Gilderoy!" A blond boy with a smile from here to Egypt sat down on the stool. The Hat was silent for a while. Then in said: "Hufflepuff!" The Hufflepuff table started cheering, and he made a bow, as if he had just made a very impressive performance. Wanker. 

_Please, let there be another boy in Gryffindor_ , I thought as Lola Lovegood was being sorted into Ravenclaw. Please, let James be in Gryffindor too. Or anyone else. 

Luckily, Remus Lupin, a boy with light brown hair who didn't look very healthy joined us. My first roommate! 

Then there were:

Lynch, Sebastian (Ravenclaw)

Maddock, Alasdair (Hufflepuff)

Macdonald, Mary (Gryffindor!!!)

Macmillan, Brian (Hufflepuff)

Macmillan, Mary (Hufflepuff)

Mulciber, Dimitri (Slytherin)

Pettigrew, Peter (Gryffindor!!!)

Pomfrey, Poppy (Ravenclaw)

Potter, James (Gryffindor!!!! Yeuh!)

Pritchard, Daisy (Slytherin)

Rosier, Evan (Slytherin)

Shingleton, Gaspard (Ravenclaw)

Snape, Snivellus (haha) (Slytherin, of course)

Spinnet, Jessica (Hufflepuff)

Wilkes, Lucas (Slytherin)

Zeller, Evelyn (Hufflepuff)

von Ziegesar, Kiki (Ravenclaw)

After the feast, Quintus brought us to the Gryffindor tower, which is on the seventh floor. Along the way, I saw a lot of really cool stuff. I really need to investigate this castle. 

The Gryffindor tower is guarded by a portrait of a very very _very_ fat lady and you have to give the password to her and then she swings open. The common room is warm and cozy, really different than home. Quintus showed us our dormitory, and that's where we are now, the four of us. I'm so happy I'm with James. And the other two also seem all right to me. 

I really don't feel like sleeping yet. I want to explore the castle. Let's see if James is thinking the same thing. 


	3. September 2nd

**September 2nd, 01:15 am, dormitory**

James was thinking _exactly_ the same thing. “Wait a sec. I’ve got something that can help.” He started rummaging in his trunk and took out a piece of shiny fabric - an invisibility cloak! I can’t believe he has one, I would kill for it.

                “Can I come with you?” Peter, the little boy with the big teeth, asked. James nodded. “Sure, why not?” I looked at the other boy, Remus. “Are you coming too?” I asked. He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe it. “Me?”

“Yes, who else, your owl? Well, are you coming?”

“Er, I don’t know, are we allowed to?” James laughed. “Of course not! But we won’t get caught, not with this.” He held up the cloak. “Are you coming or not?” Remus smiled and stood up. We covered ourselves with the cloak and sneaked downstairs.

James used a handy little _Lumos_ -spell, which made his wand glow, so that we could see where we were walking. “My dad says there are lots of secret passageways at Hogwarts, behind tapestry’s and stuff,” James said.

“Like that one over there?” Remus pointed at a tapestry of a knight who was slaying a dragon. “Let’s take a look.” We walked towards it and pushed it aside. Too bad, just wall. But James wasn’t that easy to stop. “Maybe we need to say a password. Does anyone of you know Latin?”

“Yeah, I do,” I said. Mum has forced me to say _voco, vocas, vocat, vocamus, vocatis, vocant_ every night at dinner for four years. So yeah, I sort of know Latin.

“Why?”

“Well, passwords are usually in Latin. Portraits think it sounds interesting. What’s _dragon_ in Latin?” James asked. I shrugged. “Draco, I guess.”

Peter turned to the tapestry. “Er, _Draco_?” he said.

“What?” the little knight said.

“Eh, the password?” The knight shook his head. “If you don’t have the password, I am afraid I can’t let you through, gentlemen. Now, if you excuse me, I have a very _dangerous_ dragon to kill.” He winked at me.

He was giving me a hint! I started to think. A dangerous dragon, that’s… _draco acutus_ or something. I looked at him and said it. The night made a bow and behind the tapestry there appeared a hole.

Wow, I never knew I would one day actually _use_ my Latin skills!

Then we went inside, and what we saw was _so_ amazing.

It was a Quidditch hall. I didn’t even know that there _was_ one. James’s mouth was hanging half open, and a tiny drop of slobber was dripping out of it. It didn’t look very pretty, but I don’t blame him. I probably looked the same.

We played a game (James and I against Remus and Peter, Merlin, we _crushed_ them) and then we went on. On the fifth floor we found a secret passageway that leads you straight to the dungeons, and we went to the Trophy Room, to admire the Quidditch Cup.

Then we got kind of tired, so we went back to the Gryffindor tower.

I’m going to sleep now because I have my first classes tomorrow.

**10:30 am, History of Magic**

I had some trouble waking up this morning, but during breakfast, the solution for that came.

I was just eating porridge (why doesn’t anyone else in here eat porridge? It’s delicious!) when the mail arrived. James, Peter and Remus all got a letter from their parents to wish them a nice first day at school, and I saw Cassiopeia, our gray barn owl, flying towards the table as well, and I was like, oh, look, how nice of Mum and Dad to think of me.

I am such an idiot.

Anyway, then I saw the colour of the envelop.

Red.

Oh, no.

That could only mean _one_ thing.

Cassie dropped the letter in my porridge and flew away with a sorry-but-I-have-very-sensitive-ears-and-I-am-also-extremely-busy-so-I’d-better-get-going look in her eyes. The dirty traitor.

James has seen the letter as well. “Uh-oh,” he said. “You’re in trouble. I’d open it quickly if I were you.”

I followed his advice because the letter already started to smoke. As soon as I opened it, the piercing voice of, surprise, surprise, Mum started to shriek trough the Great Hall.

“Sirius Pollux Black! You dirty little blood traitor! I have _never_ in my entire life been this embarrassed, young man! How _dare_ you be sorted into Gryffindor! Your father is beside himself! How can we ever show our face in public again? Don’t think you’re welcome at Christmas this year, do you hear me?”

Er yeah. It was kind of hard not to.

Then the howler turned around, towards the staff table, and shrieked: “Dumbledore! I want to have a word with you too, you ancient rag! Who do you think you are, letting my oldest son, a thoroughbred Black, be sorted into _Gryffindor,_ under the care of _that_ piece of scum?! Transfer him! You’ll hear from me, mister!”

The hall was soundless. Everybody was looking from me to Dumbledore, who looked kind of amused, and back to me. Then I heard Andy say:  “You have to admit, she does have guts, that aunt of mine.” Then everybody started to laugh.

“Well,” I said. “So now you know my mum.”

“She truly sounds like a friendly woman,” James remarked. Peter looked horror-struck at me. “Does she often scream like that?” I shrugged. “Sometimes. It’s not that bad, she’s really more bark than bite.” Remus made a funny movement; does he have some kind of muscle disease or something?

Then McGonagall walked by to hand out the timetables. When she gave me mine, she gave me an examining look for awhile, in the way you look at someone who has just received a howler from his crazy, Headmaster abusing mother, and you wonder why he is in your House and not in Slytherin and if he is really that different from his family.

You know them, those looks.

**11:05 am, Transfiguration**

The bell rang, so I had to stop writing, but I’m back again. So McGonagall was handing out the timetables, and when she gave Remus his, she said with a voice that was way friendlier than before:  “Professor Dumbledore wants to speak to you, Mr Lupin. Could you come to his office after breakfast?” Remus nodded and turned red, while McGonagall was explaining how to get to Dumbledore’s office. Strange, very strange. Why was McGonagall talking so friendly, almost pitying? And why does the headmaster want to talk to Remus? And why was he blushing?

It’s probably about his muscle disease.

Oh, hang on, McGonagall is telling me to pay attention with quite a loud tone, possibly angry.

-

Okay, I can write again. We have got explanation, and now we have to transform matches into pins. I did it after like ten minutes, so I’m done now.

Our first lesson was Herbology, in the greenhouse. It was kind of fun; James threw dragon dung in a girl’s hair. Her reaction was _classic_. 

Then we had History of magic, which was BORING. It’s taught by an ancient man, who is nagging all the time about goblin rebellions or whatever it was he was talking about. And now we are having Transfiguration. It seems kind of cool. I could turn Reg into a monkey, even though that probably wouldn’t really make a difference. McGonagall says that human transfiguration is very difficult, but hey, what did the sorting hat say about my intelligence again?

Oh, and I asked Remus about his talk with Dumbledore. He said that he is ill (I knew it!) and that he had some things to discuss about that with Dumbledore. He also said that one of the portraits of the former Headmasters asked for me. Probably Phineas Nigellus, my great-great grandfather. I bet he grumbled a bit about the Gryffindor thing. There is another painting of him at home, but he is hardly ever there. Thank Merlin because I think he’s kind of weird.

The bell! Lunch!

**05:15  pm, Common room**

You know, I think Plan Cool is working. Other kids look a lot at me and laugh about my jokes, it‘s great.

Except that Lily Evans. She doesn’t really seem to like me. And I don’t think she is really keen of James either. Too bad for her. And someone who is friends with Snape doesn’t have any taste anyway.

The Snape boy is really weird. He is staring at James and me all the time, and if someone talks to Evans, he starts to glare at them.

We have potions with the Slytherins, and I am so happy I’m not in Slytherin It’s really a nasty bunch of… I don’t know, nasty people. And they’re all so _grouchy._

The potions master, their Head of House, is their complete opposite, though. He is very fat and cheerful, a bit like Father Christmas.

“Welcome, my dear children, welcome,” he said when the class started. “I am professor Slughorn, and I teach Potions,-”

Now, really? Wow, I didn’t see that one coming, we’re having potions and the teacher teaches Potions!

“- an extremely subtle branch of magic. Just some flapping of your wand won’t help you!” Then he went on for a while about why Potions is such a fantastic subject, and then we did a “little name tour”.

Slughorn started with the Slytherins, who were sitting on the left side of the classroom. He nodded at Snivellus, who said his name. “Eileen Prince’s son, aren’t you? Yes, she was in my house as well. A very er, charming young lady.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” James whispered in my ear. “With a son like that…” I sniggered. Snape glared daggers at me.

In the meantime, Slughorn was going through all the Slytherins, of almost everybody he knew a relative. The first Gryffindor was Lily Evans, who was sitting next to Snape. “And who is this charming young lady?”

“Lily Evans, sir.” She smiled.

“Evans, Evans…” Slughorn stroke his enormous moustache. “Hmm, I don’t think I know any Evanses.”

“That’s probably because I am a muggle-born, sir,” she said. A few Slytherins sniffed. And if you ask me, Slughorn looked a bit disappointed. He went on to the next Gryffindor, a blond girl with a turned-up nose and a cocky look in her eyes. “Belle Bott,” she sniffed, flipping her hair backwards.

“Ah!” Slughorn said happily. “Of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans!”

“Yes.” She looked around triumphantly. “Bertie Bott is my father.”

Then it was Emily Keane’s turn, whose mother apparently works at the ministry, as an unspeakable or something (“What do you do for living?” “I’m an unspeakable, I sit in my office all day, and I do not speak. It’s a tough job, but it’s all worthwhile.”) and Marlene McKinnon, who has a famous Quidditch commenter for a dad.

Then it was James’s turn. “You must be James Potter! Yes, I know you father. The best Seeker the Montrose Magpies ever had! He’s probably retired now, isn’t he?” James nodded. Then Slughorn looked at me. “Sirius Black!” he exclaimed happily. “Well, I can’t say that I wasn’t a little bit surprised when you were sorted into Gryffindor, my dear boy! I would have loved to have you in my House. Well, bad luck, I guess.”

“Eh, yeah,” I said awkwardly. “I believe that my parents would have preferred that as well.” Not that I care.

“Er, yes,” Slughorn said, awkward as well now. “Your mother made that quite…clear this morning.” Snivellus chuckled. James and I glared at him. Git.

Slughorn finished with Peter and Remus. Slughorn didn’t seem particularly interested in Peter and quickly went on to Remus, at whom he looked at the same way as McGonagall. Some kind of estimating, pitying look. What makes Remus so interesting and pitiful? His muscle disease? Is it that bad?

Anyway, after that we had to make an elixir of energy, and mine worked out pretty well. Not as good as Lily’s, but at least it was better than Remus’s. Pour Remus, I don’t think potions is the thing for him. Does he know that the _potion_ was supposed to turn purple, not the cauldron?

We’re planning to go out and explore the castle again tonight. Yippee! Yeuh! 


	4. September 3rd

** a/n: ** OK, this chapter is ridiculously late and ridiculously short. I had actually written this months ago, but I wasn’t very happy about it and I was planning to write some more (and better) before I uploaded it. Sadly, that never happened, so I’m just uploading it now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

** Friday, September 3rd – 08:03 am, Breakfast in the Great Hall **

Groan. _Please_ let me go back to bed. We came back at 02.00 am last night, so I’m pretty close to dying.

But we discovered some extremely amazing things yesterday:

-On the seventh floor, near that statue of dancing trolls, a door suddenly appeared when Peter let us know that he really needed to go to the bathroom. We went in and found ourselves in Loo-Heaven! Golden chamber pots, toilets with heated seat, extra soft toilet seats, toilets that won’t stink, it was fantastic! I don’t understand why people still use the ordinary lavatory’s!

-The Ravenclaw Tower. Remus had seen a couple of Ravenclaws walk there, so we knew where it was. The thing that guards the tower said:

“A snail is in a 30 foot deep well. Every day it climbs six foot, every night it drops three. How many days will it take it to reach the top?”

We thought for a while. “Ten days?” Remus tried. Nothing happened. “No, hang on a sec,” James said. “After eight days and nights it has climbed 24 foot, so there’s only six foot left, which it does the ninthday and then it’s up there!” 

“Nice thinking,” the gargoyle said and it moved aside. We could enter the Ravenclaw Tower! 

We went in and wrote dirty words on the walls. I really love being an immature twelve year old.

And… last but not least:

-A tunnel to Hogsmeade! In the middle of the entrance hall there is the coat of arms of Hogwarts in the floor. Peter brilliantly discovered that this was a hatch (he fell over the joint) and we went down.

The exit was under a loose rock on the edge of Hogsmeade. There wasn’t much to do, since all the shops were closed, but is was still kind of cool.

We lay down in the grass for a while (we had run all the way to Hogsmeade, so we could use some rest) and stared at the stars.

“Look, that’s my star over there,” I said and I pointed at Sirius. “It’s the brightest star in the sky.”

Wow, that sounds cool: Sirus, the brightest star in the sky. So appropriate.

“Oh, look,” Peter said. “It’s a full moon.”

“No it isn’t,” Renus said. “It won’t be full until three days.”

“How can you tell?” James asked. For a while Remus said nothing. Then he said: “I just can.”

Right.

Then we went back to the tunnel. As we were climbing from the hatch, we suddenly heard a voice.

“Well, well, well.”

I looked up. It was Filch the crazy caretaker, who was standing only a few foot from me.

Uh-oh.

We’d been caught.

I think I’m going to eat my porridge now and leave you, readers of my super-cool life, alone with your frustration about this fantastic cliff-hanger.

I’m _so_ evil.  Mwahaha.

Wait, what is this?

_ Sirius, _

_ I could send you your second howler in two days, but you and I both know I have too much class for that. _

_ I just received a letter from your headmaster, and I am almost too shocked to write. _

_ Why are you trying to hurt your poor mother so much? First you get sorted into Gryffindor and now you do this to me, I just don’t understand what I ever did to deserve this kind of behaviour.  _

_ Listen to me, young man. Cross the line one more time and the only thing you will see until you are eighteen are the solid walls of Durmstrang. _

_ Your Mother _

Ugh. Just ugh. I’m _so_ sick of this. You know what, I’m going to write her back.

_ Mum, _

_ Next time I’ll cross the line I’ll make sure I won’t get caught, if that will make you less stressed. We don’t want you to lose any more _ _hair, do we?_

_ Your loving son _

_ P.S. I forgot to bring my poster of Honey McHeaven. Could you send it to me? _

__

There.

Now, finally, porridge.

** Saturday, September 11th – somewhere in the afternoon – Common room **

OK, I haven’t written for quite a while, but I just have to share this with my loyal readers.

We discovered an underground society of cool people!

I’ll tell how it happened.

James, Remus, Peter and I were once more strolling around the castle – under the invisibility cloak, we’re not going to get caught _again_ – when we heard voices behind a suit of armour.

Or actually, it sounded as if they were coming out of the suit of armour. 

We looked at each other and I walked towards it. I put my ear against its chest. I really heard voices. Laughing voices. I lifted up the visor and looked inside it.

Suddenly I felt a force dragging me into the suit of armour. I felt like I turned into rubber so that I could fit through the narrow pipe I was now falling through. Before I could panic, it stopped. I looked around.

I was lying on the floor of a square room that was about half the size of the great hall. On each of the four walls there was a banner of the four Houses. Then I noted that I had fallen into the middle of a ring of about twenty chairs with students sitting on them. I didn’t recognise any of them, until I saw two people looking at me in surprise.

Ted and Andromeda.

At that moment, James fell on the floor beside me. Then Remus and Peter followed.

The group started to murmur. Then Ted rose from his chair. 

“Well, I see you have discovered our secret hideout! That makes you potential members of our society.”

Remus and I just stood there, not able to say anything, but James said: “Secret hideout?” as Peter said: “Potential members?”

Ted grinned. “We’re HUSH, an ancient and mostsecret society of troublemakers, founded by the children of the four founders when they were at school: Helena Ravenclaw, Ulandus Hufflepuff, Serena Slytherin and Leopold Gryffindor.”

“But they preferred: Hels, Uli, Serena and Leo,” a ginger-haired boy with a mischievous face that I recognised as one of the Weasley brothers – I don’t know which - said.

Apparently Serena wasn’t that much into nicknames. This proves that Slytherins don’t have any sense of humour.

Ted Grinned. “I assume you all want to join us?”

We nodded eagerly. Andy smiled at me.

“You were deemed worthy by Nigel, our suit of armour,” Ted went on. “That means that you have something special. Now it’s time to find out what. Andy?”

Andromeda nodded and took some kind of magnifying glass out of her pocket. She stepped towards us and looked at us through it.

“This is a personality spyer. When I look through it, I can see exactly what kind of person you are.”

I swallowed. I know Andy and I are relatives and stuff, but this thing was scaring me. I looked at Remus, Peter and James, and they looked exactly as terrified as I felt, if not worse.

First Andy looked at the four of us, altogether.

“I see a fresh, but extremely strong friendship, like the one the founders of HUSH had.” Then she stepped towards me. “In you, Sirius Black, I see an extremely strong will, great pride and a reckless kind of playfulness.

This was just too weird. Andy was acting like some kind of... old wise person, you know, like a guru or a medicine woman.

Then she said: “I also see Serena’s grace, charm and yes, also her arrogance in you.”

Oh, that’s just great. Why did I have to be the Slytherin? This was so unfair.

Then she went on to James. “You, James Potter, have Leo’s heroic courage, his confidence, physical strength and most of all, his endless trust in friendship. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were his descendant.” 

James looked very pleased with his subscription, until Andy said: “But you too have a great amount of arrogance in you.” 

“Join the club,” I whispered at him. He grinned.

Andy seemed to really like her job and she stepped to Remus. He appeared to have stopped breathing, looking at Andy as if she was Honey McHeaven herself. Poor Remus, he doesn’t stand a chance with her when someone as extremely cool as Ted is around.

“You, Remus Lupin, are both sensitive and sensible. You think before you act, and always remain friendly to everyone, regardless how they treat you, just like Uli. You also possess extreme loyalty to those you care about. And you’re good at keeping a secret, almost too good...”

Er , right. Maybe Andy was overdoing the “mysterious and wise woman” role a bit. With a dramatic expression, she stepped towards Peter and looked at him through the Personality Spyer.

“People may think you’re dim-witted, Peter Pettigrew,but you’re not. Like Helena Ravenclaw, you can have brilliant ideas from time to time, because of your ingeniousness and creativity. You will endure anything for what you think is important. However, you will always seek for someone to protect you because you’re afraid you’re too weak.”

With that last comment, she stepped back, put the Personality Spyer back in her pocket and winked at me. Thank Merlin, she was normal again.

“All right!” Ted said. “Sorry about that, we just need to be sure you’re worthy of joining HUSH.”

“So can we join you now?” James asked. Everyone laughed.

“Almost,.” Ted said. “First, you must fulfil a task.”

Oh, hang on, James and I are going to the Quidditch pitch to watch the tryouts. I’ll tell more later.

** Still Saturday, 8:15 pm, common room **

OK, so they sent us away with a task. We had to sneak into Professor Thetics’s – who teaches arithmancy and appears to be the sternest teacher in school – office and turn all his stuff pink.

Our first problem was that we didn’t know how to turn things pink, so we had to sneak into the library to search for a spell. Eventually Peter found one and shouted it so triumphantly that we had to run for Madam Pince, the librarian, who had woken up.

Andy was right, _very_ clever one, that Peter.

Anyway, I opened Thematics’s door with _Alohamora_ _,_ a charm I had read about at home, and we silently went in and turned everything a nice shade of magenta.

Mission completed.

So now we’re in HUSH! We were welcomed by the entire group, who seems to consist of students from all Houses and of all years- even though we seemed to be the only first years.

There didn’t seem to be any rivalry between the Houses. Apparently it doesn’t matter in HUSH which House you’re in, as long as you can cause mischief.

Still, Gryffindor is the best. 

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** a/n:  ** please review!! I really want to improve, so some constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

p.s. this chapter wasn't beta-read and English is not my first language, so if I write anything that doesn't make sense, please tell me.

  


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